I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so so….

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes..

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?.

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars..

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money -….

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future..

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way..

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not ….

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks..

I'm a comedian, not a politician..

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear..

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insu….

I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you o….

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay..

Don’t do your best, do my best..

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible..

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful..

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women..

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart..

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'.

I liked radio, or podcasting. I like talking minus the camera and the script part. All those mediums are different, and they are all different with t….