Don't bring your sand toys to the park. That's another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I'm on the Vicodin and a little weed too - let's face ….

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes..

Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang me….

Stop throwing us all together like some sort of Puerto Ricaminican Tex-Mex buffet..

You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming ….

I'm half-Mexican - get used to it 'cause in about five to 10 years, you're all gonna be related to one. Whether you like it or not, no matter how muc….

We're down in Mexico. It's for a bachelor party, so we go into a Mexican strip club... I go back with this woman down a murky hallway, and then witho….

Im so sick of people treating Latinos like some homogenous group that all feel the same way about everything..

The horrible truth is that I am lazy and I am going to write and do bits that just hand themselves to me..

I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon..

Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether..

My primary responsibility is to be funny..