Disneyworld... is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin's, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan….

Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren't called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?).

I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things..

Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality..

All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons..

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea..

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear..

10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?.

Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.

The word "souvenir" has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless; but even to….

To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life..

Can anything match that first fine discovery of the telephone and all it stood for? That first realization that, contained within ten simple digits, ….

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it..

Sadly, as with so much about history's heroes, it's the spotting of potential fame that's the difficulty, whether it's publishing their poems, hangin….

Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic... being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated - south from Sweden in about 500 BC; why ….

Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room..

Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a "Wirtschaftswunder," which can be briefly translated as "The best way to own a Mercedes is to….

English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, pass….

In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and th….

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water gush out when….

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes..