The internet makes everything not enough..

Hearing the faraway sounds of children at recess makes me understand that I am no longer life's main character..

If you say you had a zen moment, you already didn't..

There's something great about terrible westerns. They look like gay dancers and bad, overwrought dialogue and overacting, black and white sped up hor….

You are not special. There is no plan for you. Nothing happens for a reason. Just try not to die and shut up..

Everyone's the anti-Teddy Roosevelt. Speak loudly and carry a brittle twig..

His lie ability is an asset.

It always seems that people who bring nothing to the table take the most from it..

Just because you're an avid reader doesn't mean you're an avid understander..

When I make fun of you, I strike just the right note. When you make fun of me, you're an incredibly ungrateful asshole and you know why..

It's always dangerous when boring people think they're creative..