The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs..

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go..

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening..

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening..

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it..

One listens to one's lawyer prattle on as long as one can stand it and then signs where indicated..

There's absolutely nothing wrong with Oscar Levant that a miracle can't fix..

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day..

Reading Proust is like bathing in someone else's dirty water..

The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it..

A broker is a man who runs your fortune into a shoestring..

To all things clergic I am allergic..

It was Mrs. Campbell, for instance, who, on a celebrated occasion, threw her companion into a flurry by describing her recent marriage as "the deep, ….

Mrs. Patrick Cambell is an aged British battleship sinking rapidly and firing every available gun on her rescuers..

I count it a high honor to belong to a profession in which the good men write every paragraph, every sentence, every line, as lovingly as any Addison….

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm..

It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!.

Nothing risque, nothing gained..

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers..

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing..

You haven't lived until you died in New York..