I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending….

I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city..

Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git..

However, my problems with my memory are further complicated by the fact that while I don't have any recollection of things I have actually done, I ha….

Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often..

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs..

If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't..

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like ""Brothers in Arms"" and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git..

If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say '….

My name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five Year Plan Sputnik Tractor Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Co….

Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own..

But as in all cults, what's central to the Communist Party is the belief system and the elimination of nuance. From there you're very slowly led down….

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres..

People aren't universally heroic..

Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip..

I'm sure a psychologist would see something highly significant in how absent-minded I am. I mean I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached to my neck ….

A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them c….

I wanted to write about how people's beliefs shift..

Now, as a comic, if you're vaguely amusing you can go straight into TV, then you play the O2 and then everyone's sick of you..

Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states..

I feel sorry for many politicians we expect them to be completely consistent and moralised when we're not..