INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity..

FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vac….

International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoldering one.

MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines, who believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by ta….

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well..

Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward..

KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining….

WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league….

Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery..

Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen..

Immoral" is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb..

SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact th….

Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another..

SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen t….

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another..

COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the pocket of D of money belonging to E..

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope..

A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about..

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original eart….

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be..

RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts….