POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied b….

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is ….

The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity..

LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears..

YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age..

The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say "I" and "me." "It will probably rain" - that is dogmatic. "I think it will rain" - that is natural….

TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitu….

Doubt is the father of invention..

CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, author of 'Cogito ergo sum' to demonstrate the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved 'Cogit….

KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of..

Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship..

THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science..

LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives..

There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only..

HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket..

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain..

PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his uns….

MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner..

MONUMENT, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated..

LOGANIMITY, n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge..

Wisdom is known only by contrasting it with folly; by shadow only we perceive that all visible objects are not flat. Yet Philanthropos would abolish ….