I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wo….

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty..

I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all..

Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly abou….

I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation - like I know where I'm going to be in three y….

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque..

I just want to get the most money I can..

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'.

I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize..

I call myself a comic.But I started as an actress. I did plays since I was 5..

You shoot saltwater in your ass?.

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes..

I feel very open with people, and I'm good at disarming them and having conversations..

I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot..

Let's all just follow the lead of Glamour, and join forces and lift each other up..

Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off limits. If someone's spouse died….

The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh..

Very neat for a boy; always cleaned up his mess, no matter where he got it on me. He's Hispanic, so he's like, 'Now who's the wetback?' I'm like, 'He….

I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know?….

I completely identify as female, believe it or not..

I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mot….