I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough famil….

You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to i….

George Lopez has to get a physical comedy checkup every year to make sure his bulging eyes don't get out of control... Good news George... you are hu….

Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over..

Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life..

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch..

I don't know what Tracy Morgan does on stage, but I can assure you it's no act..

CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me..

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener..

I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was ….

I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust..

Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery..

Once when Larry the Cable Guy was on Conan's show, Conan O'Brien was so offended by Larry's material, he had to walk away from the desk he was so off….

Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel..

I do have insecurities. I don't know if you can tell. I'm not brimming with confidence..

I was recently voted best standup never to win a major..

Jewish people, we're repulsed by Hitler, but we're obsessed with him. If you ever want to rob a Jewish person's house, all you have to do is call the….

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny..

They shouldn't call anything a boot camp unless you're going off to war. Standup boot camp has been a fantastic thing, for the people putting it on. ….

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented..

I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame..