I don't stutter when I talk to God. He loves me..

TV's sameness has destroyed many things, such as the American urge toward independent thought..

In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert's writing was hazy, Ep's statues were crazy, And nobody understood E….

Fame - anyone who says he doesn't like it is crazy.

The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost..

Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance..

Reading is a pleasure of the mind, which means that it is a little like a sport: your eagerness and knowledge and quickness count for something. The ….

Everybody was being decent, and when people are decent, thing work out for everybody. That has been my theory all through life. If you're making mone….

For me, a hearty "belly laugh" is one of the beautiful sounds in the world..

One of the greatest threats facing book publishing, and the entire country for that matter, is censorship..

They tell about a fifteen-year-old boy in an orphans' home who had an incurable stutter. One Sunday the minister was detained and the boy volunteered….

Oratory is the art of making a loud noise sound like a deep thought..

One of the troubles of the day, observes Mr. C.N. Peac, is that once we came upon the little red schoolhouse, whereas now we come upon the little-rea….

Football season: The only time of the year when a man can walk down the street with a blond on one arm and a blanket on the other without encounterin….

Banquet: a plate of cold, hairy chicken and artificially coloured green peas completely surrounded by dreary speeches and appeals for donations..

The fundamental difference between the mystery story and the ghost story is the fact that a mystery demands a solution for its effectiveness; a ghost….

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup..

Censor: A self-appointed snoophound who sticks his nose in other people's business..

I can't say this too often - that a little humor can make life worth living. That has always been my credo. Somebody once asked me, 'What would you l….

There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he's a colle….

The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed..