Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe..

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut t….

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn..

Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish..

Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason..

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: ….

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be..

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity..

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect..

Do unto others, then run.

I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell..

Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right..

Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?.

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand..

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?.