A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my exis….

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide..

I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department..

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'.

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!.

Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd ….

Thank God for Darwin, eh?.

Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability..

The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rul….

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it..

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished..

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!.

I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God….

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it..

In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united..

Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all….

I'm sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically..

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusi….

The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand..

I got ham but I'm not a Hamster.

The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die..