When I started, the scripts weren't as good, and you'd have to have a huge burst of energy to go, "Sheesh, how am I going to? This stuff's no good." ….

Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is this. The present. That's it..

While I have felt lonely many times in my life, the oddest feeling of all was after my mother, Lucille, died. My father had already died, but I alway….

Harold Ramis and I together did the ‘National Lampoon Show’ off Broadway, ‘Meatballs,’ ‘Stripes,’ ‘Caddyshack,’ ‘Ghostbusters’ and ‘Groundhog Day.’ H….

Disneyland. The world's biggest people trap, built by a mouse..

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying..

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop..

You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey..

And I don't like to work. I only like working when I'm working..

In Japan, you have no idea what they are saying, and they can't help you either. Nothing makes any sense. They're very polite, but you feel like a jo….

I act like a jerk sometimes..

All of us kids ended up 'doing Mom.' There are four of us who've tried show business. Five if you insist on counting my sister the nun, who does litu….

We're creating a TV show of Scrooge, starring Jamie Farr, with Buddy Hackett as Scrooge. We're shooting in this Victorian set for weeks, and Hackett ….

You're supposed to have one hand up and one hand down. As you're trying to going up, you're trying to pull someone up at the same time..

Half of the people in this room are more dressed up than on any other day in the year, and the other half are more dressed down..

There's only a couple times when fame is ever helpful. Sometimes you can get into a restaurant where the kitchen is just closing. Sometimes you can a….

Golf was my first glimpse of comedy. I was a caddy when I was a kid. I was on the golf course rather than being in lessons, but I can play better now….

I've never made any horrible, horrible movies. If you don't ruin your reputation, you can always get work..

The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave..

Eh, it's not that attractive to have a plan. I know that if I ever feel that I need to make a funny movie, I’ll figure out how to write one. I’ll get….

Parties are only bad when a fight breaks out, when men fight over women or vice versa. Someone takes a fall, an ambulance comes, and the police arriv….