Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed..

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and….

Miniskirts have become quite a fad. They're even some guys wearing them. Don't laugh, if you had thought to of that, you'd not be here now..

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead..

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals..

I don't know what people have against government; they haven't done anything..

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease..

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup..

I have too much money invested in sweaters..

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that..

The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life..

I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it's silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it….

Personally, I never drink on Oscar nights, as it interferes with my suffering..

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur..

We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf..

It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing..

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks..

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough..

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half..

England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there..