It's not that Good doesn't triumph over Evil, it's that the point spread is too small..

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes..

Money talks — but credit has an echo..

People used to live lives of quiet desperation - now they go on talk shows!.

I believe in facing reality. But only because I don't like turning my back on it..

I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it..

When you come into the world you have nothing... when you leave you have nothing... and in between there's the IRS..

A fool and his money are soon parted. It takes creative tax laws for the rest..

My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far..

The Senate being tied is a start. Now, if only it could be gagged..

I like to get to work early. Before my brain knows what I'm up to..