I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing w….

You want to reclaim your country? You got to go back to the first men who started this country, the founding fathers and this is going to be shocking….

Get out of our schools God, get out of our textbooks God, get out of our government God, go away God, go away God, go away God, Katrina hits, God, wh….

I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him..

It's about something that strikes you as funny but I do it with a Christian world view: why we think the way we do based on God's plan. I lift up my ….

Talk about sexist - have you ever, ever, heard someone come up to a woman and say 'find your masculine side?' And by the way women, if you find your ….

Who is more irrational, the guy who believes in a God he can't see, or a guy who's offended by a God he doesn't believe in?.

The wussification of America is killing us by teaching us to censor ourselves from what we believe. That's why I want to see political correctness di….

We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth. Or, I've got t….

Oh, I know: If you're fat, let's not blame you, let's sue McDonalds! Oh, for cryin' out loud, hey, if you smoke, not your fault, it's the tobacco com….

They got special terms that they use when they're pregnant. They don't even say pregnant, got special words they use - I'm expecting. Expecting what?….

If you can't say something nice... about an overrated, ungrateful European nation that would have been wiped off the face of the earth twice in the t….

I hope that nothing ever wussifies me to deny my own personal beliefs. Brainwashed wussies have been taught that standing up for yourself and defendi….

The truth is supposed to hurt. That's how it lets you know you don't got it..

People don't realize, or maybe they've forgotten, that there was a time in history when standup comedy wasn't something that you had to hide your kid….

Conservative concepts believe in little government - take care of yourself, and that makes men who invent things like the constitution! Liberal thoug….

You're not a bunch of people lock-stepped with the politically correct. Oh no! Don't shoot the animals! They might get their feelings hurt!.

God is a crutch? Yeah, well, not believing in God is a coma..

Comedy, if it's done well, can reflect the mood of a nation. It can be a mirror to who we are, what we believe in, what we are like..

The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. If someone says, You offended me then you say I don't care! If they're offended by the truth, ….

If the truth conflicts with my beliefs, I change my beliefs..