Explore Quotes by Carl Hiaasen

There's so much hate that we direct externally that we forget we have our own psychos. But that's the role of the satirist - you have to examine your own country and say, look!

Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence.

One problem with age is that patience begins to ebb.

Disney world is an armpit compared to Montana.

and in the meantime don't jump to conclusions.

The evening news made her wonder if God was dead; the morning sun made her believe He wasn't.

I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.

Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.

Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.

Sometimes you're going to be faced with situations where the line isn't clear between what's right and what's wrong.Your heart will tell you to do one thing and your brain will tell you to do something different. In the end, all that's left is to look at both sides and go with your best judgment.

Roy remembered the time he and his father had a talk about fighting. 'It's important to stand up for what's right,' Mr. Eberhardt had said, 'but sometimes there's a fine line between courage and stupidity.

As a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends, and who controlled the dough. Party labels were merely a way to keep track of the teams; issues were mostly smoke and vaudeville. Nobody believed in anything except hanging on to power, whatever it took.

Mrs. Bonneville never buckled her seat belt, even though it was required by state law; an ardent libertarian, she opposed government meddling in all matters of personal choice.

...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me." "You don't know that." "Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.

Jimmy Lee Baylis was a wise man, and knew better than to talk back to the man who signed his paycheck.

Nobody with an IQ higher than emergency-room temperature could ever believe that 'death panels' would be appointed to nudge the elderly toward euthanasia. Yet for idle entertainment, it's hard to beat Sarah Palin's ignorant nattering on the subject.

My books are shelved in different places, depending on the bookstore. Sometimes they can be found in the Mystery section, sometimes in the Humor department, and occasionally even in the Literature aisle, which is somewhat astounding.

The Florida in my novels is not as seedy as the real Florida. It's hard to stay ahead of the curve. Every time I write a scene that I think is the sickest thing I have ever dreamed up, it is surpassed by something that happens in real life.

There is no writer's block in a newsroom. There's only unemployment block.

I think it's always good for the author to stay a good cattle prod's distance from the actual moviemaking.

I've never progressed very far from my days as a smart aleck in middle school.