No matter how bad things are, you can at least be happy that you woke up this morning. D..

I think politics in general are just like a popularity contest but McCain is just... old..

Black folks never bungie jump. That's too much like lynching for us. I'm gonna let you tie a rope around me and push me off a bridge? You must be out….

They had this movie called Juno about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and it's nominated for an Oscar. That's an unusual experience for me, 'cause w….

I don't need somebody behind a desk to tell me what a marketing survey says is funny. I got 3 million miles and 70,000 tickets sold, telling me that ….

They didn't have to describe Jesus to me for me to know he's black. Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding. Now if that ain't ….

I'd pick a young white guy over an old white guy for president anytime because the younger guy is more likely to have been influenced by the great so….

Every group has its idiosyncrasies, but at a certain point we all are human..

With a cigar like in life, you got to have some length, and some girth..

One of the most beautiful things in the world I've ever seen or heard is people laughing, even when there seems to be so little reason for them to la….

Did you ever have the police follow you for so long, that you get suspicious about your own goddamn self? Maybe I did kill them people..

There's something about having a great bottle of wine and a great cigar. Nothing compares to it..

The one thing women love more than money is power..

I'm not gonna lie, I love the holidays. But Christmas was a lot more fun when you weren't paying for it..

I used to always run off at the mouth and talk about people. I just didn't know that it would make a living for me..

There is always one person in the office that you want to whip their ass! If you don't know who it is, it is probably you..

Everybody wants to be great at something..