My life is now a constant assessment of whether what's happening in real life is more entertaining than what's happening on my phone..

It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.

Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread..

Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs..

Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on 'concerned eyebrow.'.

Paul Ryan looks like the car rental salesman who bullies you into getting full coverage..

No one's dream job involves a kiosk..

My other car is a vehicle with a bumper sticker describing this car..