Explore Quotes by Dan Castellaneta

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

I've made a kind of pact with myself where I said, It doesn't matter what it is as long as I'm acting.

After years of doing it, you learn the difference between your ego and your opinion. When you're married you have to cut through that.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

I always enjoyed writing. I did playlets in high school, I did radio shows in college. That's one of the reasons I went down to Second City, because you could do acting and writing.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.

There is no strong beer, just weak men

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!