Explore Quotes by Darynda Jones

That you honestly believe I am capable of hurting innocent people for no reason.” “You’re not?” I asked, hope softening my voice. “Oh, no, I’m more than capable. I just didn’t realize you knew that.

I had yet to be a mother, but I would have thought it difficult to forget something it took thirty-seven hours of excruciating pain to push out from between my legs ~Charley Davidson

I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.

Cook, at that moment in time, I would have sold my body for a mocha latte

Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way. "It's three thirty in the morning." "Okay. Want coffee?

A sheriff arrested me. I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure my men-in-uniform fetish began that day. The sheriff was hot. And he handcuffed me. I've never been the same.

But, you're his son," I said, trying really hard to hate him. "You're the son of Satan. Literally." "And you are the stepdaughter of Denise Davidson." Wow. That was a bit harsh, but, "Okay, point taken.

I was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I’ve been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it’s good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.” “Which was to give me nightmares for the rest of my life?” “Oh, no, that’s just a plus. Why was I so scared of him?” “Hon, for one thing he was this powerful, massive, black smokelike being.” “So, you’re saying I’m a racist?

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

I chose the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.

Mistakes were made. Others were blamed.

No. This has to do with drugs." My jaw fell open and I almost lost my toothbrush. "You're on drugs?" She pressed her mouth together. "No. You are." "I'm on drugs?" I asked, stunned. I had no idea.

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale of one to bite me," the former detective said.

I'd have a longer attention span if there weren't so many shiny things.

This place is like crazy on crackers.

Somebody has to be sane during regular business hours, and it's not going to be me, missy.

Jesus may love you, but i'm his favourite

When fighting clowns, always go for the juggler.

But give up my business? The same business I'd built from the ground up with my own two hands and designer Louis Vuittons? The same business for which I'd sacrificed blood, sweat, and tears? Well, maybe not sweat and tears, but there was blood. Lots of blood. Give it up? Not likely. Besides, what else would I do? I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.

After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me.