You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?.

I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival..

I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!.

It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is ….