Playing Augusta is like playing a Salvador Dali landscape. I expected a clock to fall out of the trees and hit me in the face..

I don't want anybody to understand what my depression feels like because in order to understand it you have to have been there, and I don't want anyb….

Win and you are the superior being in all the universe; lose, and may the fleas of a million rodents, infect your every orifice..

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff..

Never has my flabber been so completely gasted..

Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear..

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler..

I have a healthy disrespect for religion. I really do. When Columbus came to this country in 1492 he brought syphilis, diphtheria, tuberculosis, infl….

The hardest thing I ever did was get sober. I was drinking two and a half bottles of whiskey a day and taking 40 Vicodin. If I had known I was going ….

It's how you deal with failure that determines how you achieve success..

I didn't quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the high….

The world's No. 1 tennis player spends 90 percent of his time winning, while the world's No. 1 golfer spends 90 percent of his time losing. Golfers a….

I have got to do something that makes me focus on one thing, and so I will sit and listen to music, or I will read, or I will go and make ammunition ….

I lost 150 lbs. if you include my wife..

It's hard to tell who's going to win this week, but it probably won't be a big, fat guy..

I adore dogs to the extent I think they are much more important than human beings. I like your dog much more than I like you..

I don't suffer from a mental illness, I live with it..

I hunt feral hogs. I try not to shoot creatures. That doesn't do anything for me. But big, nasty, smelly, bristly things with tusks that destroy ever….

Hurling looks a bit like a cross between lacrosse and second degree murder..

Being bipolar and an addict and an alcoholic I have to keep myself very busy. I don't sleep. I am lucky if I get three hours of sleep a night, and so….

That's the trouble with Nick. The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet..