Twitter! Never have lives been less lived and more chronicled!.

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you've probably made a serious vocational error..

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis..

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it..

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble..

Liberals always feel your pain. Unless of course, they caused it..

The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle..

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese..

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home..

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R..

Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick..

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For G….

Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite simply, ….

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run..

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim..

My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I'm thrust ….

Yeah, this country's founding fathers are a bunch of dead rich white men, but they did set things up so you could come and sit at the table, so don't….

It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark..

I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love..

Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reason….

A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods..