Occupation: Stand-Up Comedian Birth: March 25, 1967
I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me..
If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child..
Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at t….
Whatever your problems are, keep in mind that you die at the end of all this. Lets get out there, brutalize ourselves and laugh at those certain pric….
Not only are the voices in your head real, but they're accurate as well..
Shouldn't the long-term goal of any society be complete unemployment?.
I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now ….
Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won't bring their kids over to your house?.
I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet..
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life..
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour..
There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs..
Tradition and heritage are all dead people's baggage, stop carrying it. Move forward..
America takes credit for giving you freedom that you had anyway. It's like going to a wedding and putting your tag on somebody elses box..
Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile..
You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north.".
Controversial issues are always more interesting but I don't create material about a subject I have opinion on just because it's controversial. The m….
Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met.
One UK paper described me as a "miserablist", a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when ….
I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad love….
Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid..