I don't know how a culture is going to evolve, but I think the way the Internet works now is, people go to the Internet to laugh and have a good time….

When a teacher is paying extra attention to your child, you believe that it's because you raised such an exceptional kid, one that stands out head an….

I was strangely looking forward to writing about my DUI arrest, only because I've known for four years that I was gonna write about it somehow. I dun….

I know I still had to take money from my parents, because no one can afford to live in Manhattan, not even the rich people..

Death is the only thing keeping us in line..

You always worry and you always fear what's next. But you eventually just push forward knowing you can't really do much about getting rid of the anxi….

I think I liked writing a novel better. Obviously, it's more rewarding. It's that marathon thing where it sucks when you're doing it, but you're prou….

I've hated cockroaches my entire life.Tweeting jokes about it helps me cope, in a way. I'm not as jumpy killing cave crickets as I used to be. I stil….

On the Internet, Spencer Hall at Everyday Should Be Saturday is the best writer in the universe. He's very funny. They're jokes about college footbal….

I found that life for me gets a lot more serious as you get older. You start off young and happy and smiling and "Wooo! I'm having fun!" And then you….

You cannot hide from the world. It will find you. It always does. And now it has found me. My split second of immortality is over. All that's left no….

I took time in the day to write as much of the book as I possibly could. I didn't write too much at night, because I don't like to - I'd rather watch….

I'm always amazed by people like David Simon or the people at The Simpsons or J.K. Rowling who can create dozens and dozens of memorable characters. ….

You become a parent, and your whole life becomes about worrying. You just worry constantly whether they'll be okay. And the idea that I'll be worried….

I've always found that the best things I've ever written, or the things I like the most that I've written, are things where it's a pure idea, and you….

I know there's no heaven. I know it all turns to nothingness. But I fear there will be some remnant of me left within that void. Left conscious by so….

I had to be happy with the process of writing.Each step you take is more rewarding than the one before..

Thank God there's somebody that doesn't like Stuart Scott. I'm so happy!. It was nice to have that counter-balance to ESPN..

The idea for me came when I was watching a 60 Minutes segment about resveratrol, the chemical in red wine that lets you live longer, supposedly. And ….

I wanted to write a book that maybe had the potential to go beyond the Deadspin and KSK [Kissing Suzy Kolber] readership..

For every hour a mother gets to herself, a father will demand five times that amount for drinking with friends and acting like an immature dipshit..