Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space..

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once..

Do a little more every day than you are expected to do, and soon you will be expected to do more..

There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece..

You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile..

There's only one thing worse than to live without working, and that is to work without living..

We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth..

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration..

The trouble with dieting is that a pound of will power takes off only an ounce of weight..

Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose..

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week..

In a democracy, you believe it or not; in a dictatorship, you believe it or else..

If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal..

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind..

Some couples divorce because of a misunderstandin g; others, because they understand each other too well..

All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn't wait..

Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games..

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it..

The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work..

A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty..

A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much..