Occupation: Author Birth: October 27, 1950
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying..
Think before you speak. Read before you think..
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy..
Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself - a wise move at any age,….
Life is so absurd now that it is almost impossible to be a satirist in this era..
You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness..
Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motio….
China is not a great idea: capitalism and a dictator. It's like the two worst possible things you could imagine together. It's a very bad idea..
Randomness scares people. Religion is a way to explain randomness..
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you h….
Food is an important part of a balanced diet..
The downfall of most diets is that they restrict your intake of food..
I always liked people who are older. Of course, every year it gets harder to find them..
What do they do in these [private] clubs, anyway? Sit around saying things like 'Thank God I'm here. No Jews! What fun! This is living, huh? Look! No….
When you reach a certain age, suddenly there are lots of people younger than you, which is really startling..
Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house..
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep..
If people don't hold grudges, it means they just don't care what people do..
Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers..
If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum..
No one earns $100 million. You steal $100 million..