Explore Quotes by Garrison Keillor

You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.

Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.

A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.

Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

Bad things don't happen to writers; it's all material.

...opening up a newspaper is the key to looking classy and smart. Never mind the bronze-plated stuff about the role of the press in a democracy - a newspaper, kiddo, is about Style.

We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.

English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Childhood is the small town everyone came from.

It's better to be burnished with use than rusty with principle.

It is more worthy in the eyes of God . . . if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people.

You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you.

Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.

There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

When writing loses touch with the beautiful surface of the world, it loses its way. You always want to be in touch with how things look and what people say and what they call their dogs.

A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!