I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much..

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead..

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive..

In the year 2525, that song will be even less popular than when it first came out..

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know..

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman..

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because t….

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is..

I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know thes….

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style..

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms..

I don''t like this reality television, I have to be honest;I think real people should not be on television; It''s for special people like us, people ….

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody.".

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out wit….

I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and che….

I remember learning to drive on my dad's lap. Did you guys ever do that? He'd work the brakes. I'd work the wheel. Then I went to take the driver's t….

Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name?.

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside..

Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?".

My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!".