I think we all feel the same things most of the time, we just don't know how to put it into words. When I'm on stage, I say it. The truth makes peopl….

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house..

Obama is the closest thing to a Latino that we have. Barack. Everybody wants to see his birth certificate too..

I had a very difficult childhood. I was surrounded by people who had both parents, which made me feel different. Having a bit of a rougher existence ….

When things are bad, it's the best time to reinvent yourself..

By the time I was 11, I wanted to be a comedian. So all those years later, I've managed to achieve my dream as a kid, and it wasn't easy. I'm on the ….

I didn't come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only ….

Immigration is an issue of global significance in America. And if you look at the terrorist alerts and attacks, Latinos [as a group] are not in the t….

It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority..

You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen o….

I grew up not having a father. Golf is the father I never had. It taught me honesty and respect and discipline and it taught me to control my tempera….

We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts..

Marijuana brownies are amazing. Very simple to make, too. Just get some Duncan Hines brownie mix and cook the weed right in there. Drop it right in w….

Sometimes when you win, you think you're going to get everything to go your way..

I used to be ashamed by the way that I grew up. I tried to lie my way through better times, but when you think that honesty and truth is really your ….

This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus..

I'm not afraid to take on somebody or say something that somebody will find offensive because unfortunately in comedy, you can't say anything really ….

It's not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it's just a great time to b….

Life is moments going by, but if you don't grab them, they're gone. For a long time, the only moments that were available were bad ones. So now I mak….

Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!.

One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair..