Entertain, yes. That goes without saying. But a good writer does that automatically, it's built into the machine. Telling a thumpingly good, mesmeriz….

Posing the question: does the god of love use underarm deodorant, vaginal spray and fluoride toothpaste?.

You must never be afraid to go there..

Writing is a holy chore..

When you're all alone out there, on the end of the typewriter, with each new story a new appraisal by the world of whether you can still get it up or….

Thank your readers and the critics who praise you, and then ignore them. Write for the most intelligent, wittiest, wisest audience in the universe: W….

What I try to write about are the darkest things in the soul, the mortal dreads... The closer I get to the burning core of my being, the things which….

I think [religion] is presumptuous and I think it is silly, because it makes you believe that you are less than what you can be. As long as you can b….

It is a love/hate relationship I have with the human race. I am an elitist, and I feel that my responsibility is to drag the human race along with me….

People on the outside think there's something magical about writing, that you go up in the attic at midnight and cast the bones and come down in the ….

I usually say I write for the smartest, cleverest, wittiest audience I know, and that's me..

I am not one of these people who instantly takes umbrage when he's corrected or - I love being corrected..

Get a day job, make your money from that, and write to please yourself..

I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid..

I think love and sex are separate and only vaguely similar. Like the word bear and the word bare. You can get in trouble mistaking one for the other..

That's probably one of my biggest gripes with the Internet - that it settles for mediocrity and disinformation, which puts all information on the sam….

The trick is not becoming a writer. The trick is staying a writer..

They minute people fall in love they become liars..

There is no nobler chore in the craft of writing than holding up the mirror of reality and turning it slightly, so we have a new and different percep….

There is Harlan Ellison the human being, who takes a crap a couple of times a day, and who farts, and who eats chicken croquettes, if I can find them….

In these days of widespread illiteracy, functional illiteracy... anything that keeps people stupid is a felony..