Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch and the sinner his justification..

To a man, marriage means giving up four out of five of the chiffonier drawers; to a woman, giving up four out of five of her opinions..

Some widowers are bereaved -- others, relieved..

Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty..

Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it..

Changing husbands is about as satisfactory as changing a bundle from one hand to the other; it gives you only temporary relief..

A man seldom thinks of marrying when he meets his ideal woman; he waits until he gets the marrying fever and then idealizes the first woman he happen….

Some women blush when they are kissed, some call for the police, some swear, some bite. But the worst are those who laugh..

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last..

Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the sam….

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her..

A good woman is known by what she does; a good man by what he doesn't..

It is easier to keep half a dozen lovers guessing than to keep one lover after he has stopped guessing..

The hardest task of a girl's life, nowadays, is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious..

Love is a matter of give and take -- marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake..

At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish..

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting..

After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can lo….

France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are 'made in America.'.

The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity..

A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little 'personal characteristics.'.