Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives..

If the wind is in your face, you swing too hard just to get the ball through it; if the wind is at your back, you swing too hard just to see how far ….

Handicap: an allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course..

Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again..

Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough..

Few golfers are born with the natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club..

You do not sew with a fork and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles..

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom..

Hole in One: an occurence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole in a single shot by a golfer playing alone..

Wear it if it clashes..

Chef: Any cook who swears in French..

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf.

The true definition of a perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year..

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls..

I simply cannot imagine why anyone would eat something slimy served in an ashtray..

Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts..

A driving range is the place where golfers go to get all the good shots out of their system..

It's often necessary to hit a second shot to really appreciate the first one..

A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed..

Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers..

Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellen….