Sirs, I have tested your machine. It adds a new terror to life and makes death a long-felt want..

People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty..

A charming fellow, and so clever: he models himself on me..

He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him..

A man never knows what a fool he is until he hears himself imitated by one..

The national sport of England is obstacle-racing. People fill their rooms with useless and cumbersome furniture, and spend the rest of their lives in….

My poor fellow, why not carry a watch?.

As far as I could discover, the notion that a play could succeed without any further help from the actor than a simple impersonation of his part neve….

A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent..

I'll have that one, please..

Cynicism is the humour of hatred.

I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young..

It depends on each and every one of me..

She kissed her way into society. I don't like her. But don't misunderstand me: my dislike is purely platonic..

Every man is a potential genius until he does something..

The only man who wasn't spoilt by being lionized was Daniel..

Cynicism is the humor of hatred..

Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind..

A whipper-snapper of criticism who quoted dead languages to hide his ignorance of life..

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you..

God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down..