Sepp Blatter and all of them lot Mr Platini I know he was a good player but he aint very good at what he does, I don’t think. I think he’s useless yo….

It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake..

Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good….

If I fell into a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb.

Every dog has its day - and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark..

Managing a league club is like making love to a mermaid... you should always be aiming for a top half finish.

To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking a….

He's going to be what?! Oh for God's sake. Sir David Beckham? You're having a laugh. He's just a good footballer with a famous bird..

I've got four women in my house - my wife and my three daughters - and I tell you what, it's pretty scary. I keep my head down and if we're out shopp….

I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season!.

My wife runs the house much better than I could so I think she could be a linesman or a referee or even a football manager and that's the truth..

I don’t see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal? They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose tha….

I might be in a bit of a Skoda garage rather than a Mercedes garage, but I am telling you some old bangers don't half polish up great..

I am more than happy at Blackpool and I am afraid the chairman will need a hell of a tub of cream to get rid of me - I'm like a bad rash and not easi….

If you're a burglar, it's no good waiting about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and c….

My old trainer used to tell us not to blast, but to caress the ball whenever we took possession. If the ball were a woman... she would be spending al….

I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week playing some of the best football I've ever seen and yet they couldn't have scored in a brot….

I love Blackpool. We're very similar. We both look better in the dark..

My ceiling's broken, my car's got a puncture and we've just lost two matches. But I've got my health and I'll ask the big man upstairs why he didn't ….

Sometimes when you aim for the stars, you hit the moon..

I feel like a steaming cow-pat - or a car that's clocked up 400,000 miles in one journey..