Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written….

Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't cross the thin line between cute and demonic..

Favorite color: I hate colors..

They don't produce anything. All they do is guide you through the labyrinth of the legal system that they created - and they keep changing it just in….

Why are we importing all these highbrow plays like `Amadeus'? I could have told you Mozart was a jerk for nothing..

Men want to put their signature at the bottom; women don't want to finish that letter..

I know what love is: Tracy and Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet, Jackie and John and Marilyn..

L.A.: where there's never weather, and walking is a crime. L.A.: where the streetlights and palm trees go on forever, where darkness never comes, lik….

Advice to rock gods: drugwise, stick to Ibuprofen, decaf lattes, and pale Pilsners ... If your stomach is not a flat slab, please leave your shirt on….

Never ask a woman why she's angry at you. She will either get angrier at you for not knowing, or she'll tell you. Both ways, you lose..

The word relationship best refers to the connection between parasite and host, or shark and remora. It's a biological term. I'd rather be a jerk than….

I don't like people who speak French in public places. This includes the French..

I read a column by George Will that SCARFACE should be rated X because parents were taking their children to see it. So what? Why should the motion-p….

Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers..

Everybody's excited about the new service economy, even though there is no actual service as near as I can tell..