I'm on my version of the protein diet, but there ain't no protein in it. It's a Krispy Kreme doughnut between two Cinnabons. And you soak it overnigh….

I'm a thief. I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers..

Before I got into stand-up, I used to be a hip-hop dancer in a crew, and my name was J. Smoove, and my partner was J. Groove..

I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate ….

Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man..

Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast..

When I started stand-up, the first thing I did was to take an improv class..

I talked about everything, man. I've always written material that everyone can laugh at. I talked about growing up. I did a lot of physical comedy. T….

I quit my day job the day my daughter was born. I remember flying to Cleveland and hitting a thunderstorm, which caused the plane to lose pressure, a….

At the top of this list has to be "get in that ass". It's the ultimate Leonism to get you through life..

Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing. Kids get heavy. Quite literally. They're heavy to li….

Comedians are therapists. People honestly think we're doing it for ourselves. No. If we wanted to do stand-up for ourselves, we would perform in fron….

I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start p….

I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there a….

I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new pa….

Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living..

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?.

Let me tell about Tennessee. If your car breaks down in Tennessee, you have just moved to Tennessee..

To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the one move that he always does to f….

Women put guys through tests all the time..

There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody does….