The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it..

Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls..

The best part of you ran down your mother's legs..

It is difficult for people to appreciate their own laughter unless you show them some pathos along the way..

I always knew what I was doing..

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy..

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings..

Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love..

The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world!.

I have a 'Play The Melody' philosophy. It means don't over arrange, don't make life difficult. Just play the melody-and do it the simplest way possib….

I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality.….

The only thing better than one of my songs is one of my songs with a glass of scotch..

Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl..

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!.

I didn't have things as a child, and I was determined to get them..

A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini..

The worst thing you can do with money is save it..

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don`t like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges..

Some drink to forget, some drink to remember-me, I drink to get bagged..

I have no use for humility. I am a fellow with an exceptional talent..

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable..