I've always been very open about it. I've been very open about my addiction, about my panic disorder. But I think that transparency is what can separ….

I feel good. I'm much better. Actually, I just lost 10 pounds on a new diet called the flu. Has anyone tried that one out?.

All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to be. I we….

If there are 1,500 people in a theater and they're all there to see you, there are no other guys. You're the guy. So it is a monastic life, it is ver….

Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts..

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change..

Whenever I don't feel so well, I always try remind myself of the Siamese twin whose brother is gay, whose boyfriend is coming over...and they share t….

People are more interested in someone who goes on stage and tells the truth..

There is a lot of acting that is on the table - precisely, good acting. The best movies of mine are the ones that really nobody saw. The Groomsmen, P….

When I watch like The Office I'm fascinated because most of America works in an environment where they see the same eight people every day..

Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind..

I started to have panic attacks on stage and my wife just asked, "Why don't you just stop?" I was doing Ghost Whisperer at the time so I was making e….

When you do an hour and a half and you destroy, like tonight was great. I had an awesome time. I realized that I'd been up there for about an hour an….

You remember from watching the show, there are no "jokes." That's why if you see people on Twitter accusing me of being a "joke thief," I just tell t….

After spending the last 15 years guest hosting, I couldn't be happier to get the opportunity to host my own show! I'm looking forward to talking spor….

The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters..

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing..

The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved into social comme….

If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed..

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry..

The anxiety is, "Are they going to come?" and when you get there and it's full you say, "I'm good. I can stop freaking out." But when it's four days ….