I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny..

We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Haner the guitar guy, the tour manager and a writer. We laug….

Even going to college, getting my degree in Radio TV and Film, as I was approaching the time when you have to decide on a major, I kept trying to fig….

As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark..

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can ….

Growing up doing those Kiwanis Clubs, doing those Cub Scout banquets, doing those church shows, I learned to find that sensibility that most people c….

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things..

I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic,….

My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto the tour bus with me once or twice a year so they ….

I hate the beach - I'm a mountain guy. I'd much rather face a bear than a shark..

I was a kid in the third grade ... saw a dummy in the toy store. In the '60s and '70s there were a lot of those vinyl ventriloquism dummies - just ab….

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show..

You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last..

The best place to find material is in real life. I've always maintained that it's not until the mid-20s that you have enough of a life to draw from. ….

The only way a ventriloquist speaks differently is that he forgoes using his or her lips, and learns to reproduce sounds using the tongue, upper pala….

I've tried the female thing. I was in a movie called Dinner for Schmucks a couple of years ago with Steve Carell and I created a female character for….

The roadwork is just rehearsal for that DVD you're going to film a year later..

I don't think I am very easy to work for because everything has to be just right or we don't put it out. But at the same time, all the people that wo….

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'.

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor o….