I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles..

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately..

I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to..

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more..

We sing about God because we believe in Him. We are not trying to offend anybody, but the evidence that we have seen of Him in our small little lives….

You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day..

You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos..

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight..

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up..

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it..

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My war….

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehe….

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Bec….

Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be….

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't..

If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck..

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house..

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck..

You might be a redneck if you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate..

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same..

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter..