I was under the care of a couple of medical students who couldn't diagnose a decapitation..

But you've got to have money for comfort, which obviously doesn't matter as much when you're young, but even so. I always like to bloody eat well and….

They smoke cigarettes professionally. The smoke is inhaled very sharply and the teeth are bared.Then the head turns to give you a profile and the smo….

A lot of girls annoy me who go to university - one girl told me she was going to Oxford because it was something to do between leaving school and get….

It's one thing to ask your bank manager for an overdraft to buy 500 begonias for the borders in Haslemere, but quite another to seek financial succou….

In most betting shops you will see three windows marked 'Bet Here', but only one window with the legend 'Pay Out'..

Oh, the self-importance of fading stars. Never mind, they will be black holes one day..

I don't remember ever being full of dislike and hatred for people, like some kids I've come across now..

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink a….

Oh, to me not drinking is like being dead, almost. I sit here taking endless journeys down memory lane. It gets boring..

I have stood in a bar in Lambourn and been offered, in the space of five minutes, a poached salmon, a leg of a horse, a free trip to Chantilly, marri….

The only reason I would have liked to have gone to university is because I like cricket. Not a very good reason to want to go, but as good as any, I ….

Journalism is the only thinkable alternative to working..

You never see a pretty, unattached girl on a racecourse. But you often see positive gangs of rather unpretty ones. They are the owners or the owners'….

It's not name dropping, but not many people can say, like me, that they spent the day with the likes of Francis Bacon or that boring drunk Dylan Thom….

I enjoy doing nothing..

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him..

My misdeeds are accidental happenings and merely the result of having been in the wrong bar or bed at the wrong time, say most days between midday an….

Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, 'Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, genitals, current account, co….

What a pity people don't take as much trouble with their own breeding as intelligent racehorse owners do. But then I suppose it is bordering on fasci….

Although I have to admit I have despised a couple of people simply because they have never had a job in their lives..