I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire..

That looks like something out of the dumpster of planned parenthood..

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window..

You look like a diabetic strip club owner..

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the m….

People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your….

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic..

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody..

They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just….

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades..

And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified ge….

I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like..

Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a tow….

God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married..

People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't..

What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated..

God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little ….

It just seems like right now we’re in a place where people are being witch-hunted for expressing an opinion. Even if it’s a lousy opinion or a shitty….

What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week. As far as I’m concerned, if you make $2 mill….

I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice..