Men are fantastic - as a concept..

I never think, 'Where am I going to be in a year's time?' That seems to be a sure way of missing the fact that you might be quite happy now..

I have big friends who won't go swimming because they're too embarrassed about it. I feel that's such a shame, because actually people should be enco….

British ferries have stopped transporting live animals to the Continent. This has made it very difficult for England fans to get to Away matches..

An overweight guy went to the doctor who advised him to try a keep fit DVD. But the guy said he couldn't be bothered. “Well” suggested the doctor, “t….

I went on the pill when I was 16, put on four stone... so that proved to be a very effective contraceptive..

I cannot abide anyone treating another human being like a piece of dirt, whatever the context..

When I was a nurse my favourite assignment was the anorexic ward. I sometimes ate as many as seventeen dinners.

The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife..

When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was sti….

You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please..

When I was at school you got an overall general education, on many things, even just basic facts..

I must be an anorexic because an anorexic looks in the mirror and sees a fat person..

My doctor told me I should get out of breath three times a week, so I took up smoking..

I have two brothers and we basically spent our lives playing in the woods, falling in ponds, getting chased by wasps and riding donkeys that we shoul….

There are 10-20 times more male comics than female comics; it's something to do with the social structure of society..

I suspect most politicians feel overwhelmed because people's lives are a real struggle, full of unhappiness, and you would probably feel powerless to….

School was great. There were no boys there, which didn't really bother me at the time because I had two brothers, so I was quite pleased not to spend….

Fat people are brilliant in bed. If I'm sitting on top of you, who's going to argue?.

I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's optimistic, cheerful side is doing a good job, which is wh….

Some men are deeply likable but have attitudes I don't like. Does that mean I should completely dismiss them? It's like saying: if someone votes Tory….