Faith is like a kernel of wheat..

You're not a real Texan till you've been kicked out of every decent state in America..

The movies that are honored at The Oscars are always a certain type: Old-fashioned. It's a bunch of well-made, old-fashioned movies that support our ….

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever..

SURE-FIRE SINGLES AD: Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical ….

The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or somethin….

It's not a crime to get drunk..

A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators..

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother..

I love Martin Scorsese, but there's another indication of what The Oscars are all about. They've ignored Martin Scorsese for going on 35 years now, a….

I AM a male chauvinist. Who's been saying otherwise?.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke..

The fifties were when people started coming down on "juvenile delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody that was young, wore a motorcycle jacket, ….

They'll give you an Oscar if they think you're about to drop dead. The problem with The Oscars is, the average age of The Academy is 84. They wheel t….

Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum o….

In some European theaters, it's still not uncommon to have a late start and three LONG intermissions, because people actually eat and drink and conve….

There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11..

I hate The Oscars. The Oscars make me want to throw things at the TV. In the ancient history of The Oscars, people would go on and make political sta….

As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager..

If you hate what you're seeing, you call it sex and violence. If you like it, you call it "romance and adventure.".

I made the mistake of watching "A.I." on cable the week they showed it about 792 times, and I ended up watching it every time it was on..