If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim..

I drink to forget I drink..

I always wake up at the crack of ice..

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!.

It pays to get drunk with the best people..

Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better..

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty..

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough..

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them..

We can afford almost any mistake once..

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin..

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on..

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play..

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel..

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise..

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves..

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money..

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty..

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink..

I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors..

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks..