Six bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in Chicago..

As long as you can savor the humorous aspect of misery and misfortune, you can overcome anything..

If you're not happy without it, you'll never be happy with it..

I don't watch my movies. I just get too critical of myself..

I did the 'Tonight Show' once, and I choked up. I get intimidated..

Hey, I stopped smoking cigarettes. Isn't that something? I'm on to cigars now. I'm on to a five-year plan. I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to ciga….

I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!.

I thought to myself, "Join the army!" It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds..

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I….

You know, the finest line a man will walk is between success at work and success at home..

I know what I have to do if I want to lose weight and stay healthy: eat a proper diet and exercise. All I've got to do is apply it..

Wherever you go in the world, you just have to say you're Canadian and people laugh.

Like your job. Love your wife..

I'm the one who has to look in the mirror, and after a while it begins to eat at you..

Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips..

I think I may have become an actor to hide from myself. You can escape into a character..

You can escape into a character..