The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time..

Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I'm new in town..

I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial ….

Things don't exist until they exist..

I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment..

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion..

I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table..

I like to turn on the TV and watch whatever's on. Nick Kroll does that a lot. He doesn't watch important shows. He'll just turn on a documentary on M….

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it..

Comfort is everything. You start doing something and you want it to be perfect right away, but most babies are born ugly and then they shake it out a….

Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome..

I kind of thought, wouldn't it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?.

Why do people shush animals? Theyve never spoken.

Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines.

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting..

In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin..

I think for many of us - speaking for just a pocket of the country - we trusted Obama. So when you leave your baby with your mom to watch, you don't ….

It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them - especially when you were supposed to do them. In terms of instan….

You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit..

I stopped drinking when I was 23. I kind of started when I was 13, so it was a 10-year run. But I just became a bad, annoying drunk child, so when I ….

Maybe I just have high self-esteem, but I have a lot that I really enjoy..